Good Byes

A friend of my friend just passed away, and I am heartbroken.

It's odd, because I have known this person since I was young, and hard as we tried, ours was a cordial relationship at best. Most times we did not quite see eye to eye, and other than for the mutual friend we had in common, we probably would have never even turned our heads to look at each other.

In the maturity and insight that comes with age, I have come to recognize that I grew resentful of her, because in a way, I felt that she somehow stole my friend away from me. You see, I was the childhood friend, the very first one. Me and my friend met at the age of 3 & 4, and grew up together, went to school together, went through the hardships of teenagehood together, and then, before we knew it, the time came for us to go our separate ways. We went to different colleges, and that's when Maria Elena came into the story.  She was the college friend, and she was engaging, fun, confident, and she truly cared for my friend. I resented that.

The years went by, and our lives took all of us in different directions. We all moved thousands of miles away from home and from one another. We built families that kept us busy, and we didn't speak nearly as often as we'd probably liked to, but it didn't matter, because the love was still there. Oddly enough, I felt peace of mind knowing that my friend still had a strong relationship with her "other" friend. Being so far away from home and family, it is comforting to know that someone still has got your back. I know I am not a very communicative person. I am not one to pick up the phone and make a call. That doesn't mean that I don't care. It is just the way I'm wired. But because I know my failings, it gave me a measure of comfort knowing that she was still there, that she would do the things I wouldn't. She would pick up that phone and make that call, just to see how things were going with my friend. I am grateful for that, because my friend has had a few rough years, and that support has meant the world to her. She hasn't told me so, but I know it.

And now I find out this terrible news, and I am surprised to find myself feeling very sad. I think of her family, the young kids she left behind, and I cannot help but to feel an immense wave of sorrow. Her daughter, in the throngs of teenagehood herself, lost her mother when she most needed her, but at least she will have memories of her, and of the sunny person she truly was. In a few years, her young son will probably have next to no recollection of his mother, a thought that tears me up, as I look over at my own little guy, and wonder what if... the idea is too daunting to bear.

I am grateful that my friend was able to flight to her bedside and be with her just hours before she passed away. I know this made a huge difference to her. She was able to show her friend just how much she loved her. She was able to show her in the way that matters most, that she was a beacon of light in my friend's life, that her life was meaningful in so many intangible ways, that she truly touched other people's lives, and for that very reason, her short time on this earth was not in vain. She lived a life of purpose, love and laughter.

I am sad. My loved one lost a loved one today.